You’ve probably never heard of this one. If you’re lucky, you’ve never seen it.
This “JAWS” rip-off from 1977 stars Richard Harris and features a very young Bo Derek. So you know that the “actors” are going to chew more scenery than the killer whale chews swimmers.
Where does Lisa Bongi start ….to explain how bad this movie really is?
Well.. the actors, the script (which needs frequent exposition from some weird Newfoundlader/Eskimo guy, the special effects (rubber whale fins) and the waste of Charlotte Rampling, who’s been in some interesting movies - but makes an unconvincing whale expert.
Oh.. and the big problem? Killer whales don’t look as frightening as sharks - especially this one. This one looks like a big cuddly dolphin, with a good dental plan
LISA BONGI RATING
1 Bongi
For Art Direction and Visual Effects
I hope it gets one of these. In Visual Effects it’s up against Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Those 2 were archetypal “dumb guy” movies, so it would be nice to see a girlie movie do well
First Impressions for the Bongi review
Beautiful. If a movie could sell itself just on the way it looks, this would be the way to go.
Nicole Kidman (evil) versus a whole range of British acting talent (mostly good guys). Vincent Price is onscreen for about 10 seconds - presumably they needed a quick shorthand for “evil empire”
What is the power source for the magical technology?
Does Sir Ian MCellan have some sort of hold over the fantasy movie industry? He’s in everything
Sam Elliott as a airship-piloting cowboy?
Y’know… this might have worked better as a mini-series. There’s obviously HUGE amounts of backstory here. If (like me) you haven’t read the book, then all you can do is look at the eye candy (and if the set design doesn’t win an Oscar then there’s no justice)
3.5 Bongi stars
It’s Uncanny. How do you manage to produce a bad movie when you’ve assembled this much talent?
Let’s get the good stuff out of the way first
It’s pretty - the animation is excellent
There’s one nice homage to “The Graduate”
Shery Crow sings “Here comes the sun”
After that…. it’s pretty much all down hill. The funniest “character voice” was Chris Rock - and he must have been in the studio for less than 2 minutes. Jerry Seinfeld is NOT funny. John Goodman is wasted. WASTED I tell you
LET IT BE RESOLVED: Jerry Seinfeld must never again be allowed near the script of a Motion Picture
Not really a movie site. But I recommend it for anyone who has to get some Hello Kitty merchandise
www.yukji.com
Creditsofast.com medic commercial
A new category - YouTube reviews
Creditsofast.com have 3 wacky commercials that would be in the “so bad they’re good” section
check out the Bandito Commercial
Well 2006 is nearly over, so it’s time to consider the Lisa Bongi award for worst movies.
“Deck the Halls” is DEFINITELY in the lead at this point. How did talented comedians like De Vito and Broderick get so stupid as to appear in this junk?
The script is the major problem here. There is NOTHING for any actor to work with - and it’s pretty clear that the teenage performers are all aware of this. They all seem too demoralised to do anything but stare in horror as their careers are slaughtered like so many Xmas Turkeys,
The adult performers, especially De Vito and Broderick, will probably survive this, but I’m hoping for one big present from Santa: the end of John Whitesell’s career. Whitesell is one of the worst filmakers currently allowed to live. A truly BAD director, Whitesell already has “See Spot Run” and “Big Momma’s House 2″ on his conscience.
There are 3 writers credited - and I’m going to give some benefit of the doubt to the first 2 because it’s their first screen credit (either that or they were smart enough to use their fake names). Let’s hope that this will be a learning experience for you boys.
The 3rd writer is Don Rhymer. In a just universe, it would be illegal for Rhymer to be within 100 yards of a film script. He’s a serial offender: “Big Momma’s House” (both 1 and 2), “Agent Cody Banks 2″, the painful “Honeymooner” remake, and now “Deck the Halls” - would someone PLEASE explain to this guy that he just isn’t funny.
Lisa Bongi awards: no stars. NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH! Avoid this movie like botulism.